Review- North Island tryouts.

The first ever Roller Derby World Cup is being held in Toronto in December this year, and it’s fair to say that it marks a real watershed in the sport. That there are enough countries playing quality derby to make this feasible is a real credit to the women and men who have pioneered and developed the game in just a few years. As one of the earlier converts to the sport, it’s only right that New Zealand fields a team, and last Saturday saw skaters from across the North Island converge on sunny Hamilton to be put through their paces by Pieces of Hate in the hope of bagging a coveted place on the squad. 

Melville rink was buzzing with skaters and supporters from a wide range of North Island leagues, and the turnout contained some seasoned players like Terror Satana and Pentakill of Auckland’s Pirate City Rollers and Axl Slash’r of the Northland Nightmares, as well as players who have been bouting less than a year. It was fantastic to see such a broad spectrum of experience, age, size and skills represented on the rink, and coach Fia Fasi Oe? wasted no time in putting the prospects through their paces in a gruelling off-skates warm-up and fitness test. Twelve-minute runs, sit-ups (and not crunches either, the whole enchilada!), push-ups and zig-zagging were all undertaken with gritted teeth and steely gazes, and the squad were well warmed up for lunch and the prospect of more pain on the rink itself. 

For us with passport deficiencies and an eye for hardware, we could while away our time ogling the wares of Derriere Designs and One Woman 8 Wheels, who reckoned she could have sold out of Gumball toe-stops “at least six times over” by the end of the day. It’s the first time this product has been available in New Zealand, and the skaters were really rating them on the Hamilton floor. Derriere Designs brought some stunning bootay shorts in fabrics that would do a great job of dazzling a jammer before they even had time to read the “ass-o-gram” stamped on the back, and did a roaring trade from those of us who haven’t yet fully appreciated the joys of spandex on butt cheek.

Back on the rink, and the skaters were receiving no quarter. By far the most hideous of the tests was the “yo-yo” test, which is like the bleep test PE teachers used to torment you with at school. Only on skates. With a turnaround. It looked, sounded and smelled hideous, and after that and some 2-minute sprints, running start tests, and skating straight into some rugby tackle-bags, I was tired by the end from just watching them!

The day ended with a quick scrimmage. The skaters had little time to gel as teams, but it was a great display of talent and there were some truly impressive jams and plays. The squad won’t be announced until after the South Island trials, being held in Christchurch on the 23rd of April, but from the level of commitment, fitness and ability on display seen last weekend, we should have a very strong team going to Toronto in the summer.