In sickness and in health: REALLY loving your body.

I have a sprained rotator cuff and a strained groin. I don't know exactly when I got these injuries, or the circumstances that caused then to happen, but there they are. The shoulder has, I think, been coming for some time. It's been clicky and grindy and sore for months (years?) from a combo of falls, blocks and sleeping with it bend forward far enough that it looks almost dislocated, but I tend to complain a bit, ignore it and then carry on. It's not actually much worse than it usually is, but I got a physio to look at it and she said it needs proper rest, not slapping on some Voltaren and getting by. The groin strain is a week off skates on its own, and might mean that I miss out on competing in the Tough Gal Challenge next weekend.

It's tough. Most of the time I don't look or feel very injured, but then I get on skates or do certain exercises and my body makes no apologies for a virtual slap around the chops and a reminder that IT IS A BIT BROKEN, YO. It's travel team selection right now (still) and I'll miss at least three training sessions for it, possibly more. A choice has to made: rest and heal properly, or chance it, practice and possibly end up worse off in future?

This got me thinking a bit about the physical demands we place on ourselves as skaters. I've blogged about the emotional, mental and social demands, but on the body?

This machine kills jammers

I'm fairly new to this concept of the body as a tool. In the past it's been something to be embarrassed about, hide from public view, or obsess over its aesthetics. Since I started regularly going to a gym, I started to see the value in what it can do. Derby really shifted the gear until now I don't frantically flick through photos of bouts to see if there's a shot of me breathing out or "looking fat". Now I look through them to see if that amazing hit I got on that jammer looks as good on camera, or if that amazing spill I took got documented. The tummy/backside/thighs/chins are part of the picture, but no longer the focus. This may not sound like much to you, but as someone who's spent years trying various ways to hide the bits she hated about her body in photos for years, this attitude shift is a HUGE deal.

So far, so body positive, so Oprah. As has been blogged here and elsewhere, the virtues of having a big ass (see left) when blocking and the usefulness of all body shapes and sizes in derby is one of the best things about it in terms of being a positive sport for women. Yay us.


But there's the flip side of using the body as a tool, and it's not just a derby thing. It occurred to me when I was sitting in the physio's office yesterday being told no skating for a week. I sat there thinking "F*ck that noise! Selection! Training! I'll get unfit! I've just been sick, I've no time to recover!" and so on and so on. I was thinking of ways to ignore it (like I have before), to get round it, and to keep skating, going to the gym, and do the Tough Gal Challenge.

Then I had a wee think.

I respect my body. I love what it can do, how it blocks, how fast I can make it go. I love that I feel confident and fit and healthy. But with that respect needs to come an understanding that this machine I operate sometimes needs to go in for maintenance. I need to accept that, with the great demands I place on it to skate, block, and grow stronger, comes the acceptance that sometimes repairs need to happen. I see so many skaters nursing injuries that have been niggling away at them for months, sometimes even years. Skaters who might never skate again because the drive to skate and play was greater than the need to rest and recover, and the little injury never did heal.

So, I'm going to respect my body and what it can do. I'm going to respect its amazing ability to heal damage and let it do it's thing. If that means I miss out on selection this year, fine. I'll be fitter, stronger, leaner for next year's selection, and will do my damnedest to improve the weak parts of my body so that the injuries are less of an issue next year.

To the gym!