Flumping Iron

Back at work today. Don't weep for me, it's been seven weeks, I deserve it. It was a training day today and besides all the innovatin' and learninatin' I discovered something very important about myself: I can survive a buffet with my dignity.

'Twas not always so. I can handle temptation under the condition that tasty snacks are not placed directly under my nose (or in the fridge, the classroom cupboard, wherever). Supermarket? No problem, I can run that gauntlet even when I'm ravenous. Restaurant? Salad for me, thanks. However, if there's a buffet? OM NOM NOM NOM NOM.


Me at a buffet, normally

However, today I was good. Today I remembered that I had the gym later and that I'd already had someone ask if I'd lost weight over the summer and I was not going to succumb to the cake stand. I had some potato salad and a bit of pasta and some coffee and that was it. IN YOUR FACE, WEIRD PANCAKE-TYPE-THINGS YOU ONLY SEE IN BUFFETS!!

I googled "Fuck you, cake" for a picture to go here. remember kids, safe search saves lives.

I have willpower that works on the lightswitch model. Have none? I'm all good. Have a little bit? I'm like a cookie-hoover. Today I managed to have a weenie bit and not give into the inner glutton. Go team smug!

So, to celebrate my good fortune, I hit the gym after the training day and decided that it was time that I quit the excuses and worked my core proper. I think I've got my gym program now pretty sussed in a way that benefits my derby. Soooo, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays will be cardio (Interval training! Woo!). Tuesdays and Thursdays will be weightlifting and core work. And by weightlifting I mean actual weightlifting, not those tiny dumbbells that are covered in pink plastic and sold in Rebel sport next to the pilates thingies (seriously, 0.5kg weights? What are they even FOR?)



Wait, I get it now....

So, the core. There are craploads of exercises out there to strengthen this up and if you're playing derby and NOT doing them then you're neglecting a huge part of your training. I am informed by coaches and skaters much greater than I on the importance of a strong core for hitting, taking hits, agility and pretty much everything apart from cracking open a cold one. I'd dabbled in weightlifting a couple of years ago and was doing pretty well, until I mangled a disc in my spine after either a poorly-executed deadlift or hitting a nasty bump in the road on my old motorbike (both happened on the same day). It hurt to hell, involved some time with the physio, and scared me off the power cage for a while. However, that was some time ago and the back had felt fine for a while now. I had made a decision over the summer that when the new term started back, I'd get back on the weights and stick at it until the end of the season. So here we go.

The best exercises for the core are deadlifts and squats. Squats are as you'd expect if you've grimaced your way through a two-minute drill on the rink during practice, but with an added 30kg on your shoulders and hoisted up and down eight times. Rest, repeat, and then do it a third time. My heaviest lifts before I stopped in 2009 were 60kg in three sets of five reps each, but I didn't want to try that again and get a hernia two weeks before skills test. As you can imagine, doing this twice a week does wonders for all those muscles that start aching when you're constantly told to get low during practice. It'll be interesting to see how this affects my derby performance.

Deadlifts are lifting the bar from the floor going from a squat to a standing position. I lift from the weights rack and not the floor, because a)I'm a wussbag and b) y'know, discs and prolapsing and all that. Rack lifts will still kick your ass, they just have an additional safety quotient that I like. Before the Great Ouch I was lifting 80kg for three sets of five, today I was able to lift 50kg in three sets of eight. As ever, technique is critical so if you're reading this and thinking that it sounds like a good idea, FOR GOODNESS' SAKE TALK TO A PERSONAL TRAINER FIRST. Sciatica and prolapsed anything is not the way to become lead jammer, pivot or anything beyond stamping hands at bouts so get some over-enthusiatic dude with frosted hair to show you before you go the full Arnold, k?



I recommend this guy.

I also did some front rows with 20kg (too easy, need to up my game with that one), lunges with 20kg on my back (not too easy, not AT ALL), and some planks, side planks, locust pose and stretches to finish. I don't feel too sore this evening, and hopefully I'll be in a fit state for cardio, a day learning about the Treaty of Waitangi and then public skating tomorrow evening...


Locust pose. You look like a pillock, hurt like a mother but damn does it do wonders for your ass...