The Fresh Meat Instructional 2: Fresh Harder

Tonight was skate training night, and once again I found myself at the more acute end of the learning curve. Still, all went well, I didn't die or kill anyone else due to n00bism, and I feel about a hundred times better than I did before training (stress stress work stress work etc.)

So, to settle my fevered brain before I try to get some sleep, I thought I'd rattle off the next part of Irn Bruja's FMI. Not nearly as long as the last one (insert sigh of relief here), I want to talk a bit about what to wear and how to prepare. In verse. Not really.

Dressing for the occasion

When I arrived for my first ever ever ever training, I had absolutely no idea what constituted sensible skatewear. I turned up in jeans, t-shirt, hoodie and a pair of hiking socks. Needless to say, this was not in the least bit suitable and made me look like I'd turned up from the local backpackers on a dare. I've seen a lot of people wear incredibly bizarre things on the rink, and it just looks uncomfortable. Here are my x points to consider when choosing one's derby wardrobe

1. Trap the boobies! Buy a sports bra. A good one. As someone on the larger end of the boobie spectrum, I need something that will keep the damn things out the way. I buy the heavy-duty cross-back sports bras from Bendon Lingerie, and have at least two at any one time. I find that I wear them to destruction within about six months, but given the gym every day, the skating and the fact my boobs weigh as much as a small cantaloupe each, I consider this an acceptable rate of attrition. Why wear one when there's no juggling? Well, there's more jiggling than you'd think. Believe me, after five minutes practicing duck walks, side jumps, forward jumps of frontal blocking, in an ordinary bra you will end up with two black eyes and a feeling of embarrassment every time you turn round quickly and inertia carries out its grim work.
2. Dress for working out. I once saw a derby skater at a training camp who looked like she was dressed for a Dead Can Dance gig. Floaty top, long black skirt over black trousers. I admired the dedication to style, but it looked uncomfortable as all hell and if your training rink is anything like The Shed, you will end up on a drip in hospital being treated for dehydration and excessive listening to Robert Smith (which I believe they can cure these days). You will sweat. You will smell. You will end up with Rink Matter (WTF IS that stuff anyway?) all over your ass, legs and face from practicing falls. pretty much everything I wear to derby comes from the sportswear section of The Warehouse (stylish!) or is a pair of short shorts that don't impede my movement. I find skirts on the rink scary and weird (nobody needs to see my pants, that's for sure), but if you really want to then think easy to move in, rather than from-rink-to-bar sexy.
3. Tights! If you decide to go down the dark path to short shorts or skirts, bulk-buy those cheap, 70-denier tights. They are slimming. They prevent the need to shave every day. Most importantly, they prevent rink rash.

Argh.

Those flimsy, cheapass tights will act as the perfect lubricant for when you go down sliding in a way that fishnets, bare skin or paint will not. Another option I guess would be to liberally coat yourself in grease before you hit the track, but that could, I imagine, get you a reputation of some kind. If you do try this, please let me know. No pictures though, cheers.

4. You don't have to try too hard. Derby is an awesome sport for the freedom to express yourself. However, this is not a requirement. some of the best skaters I know turn up wearing faux-leather lace-up hotpants in blue, others in regulation black shorts and faded band t-shirt. And both are absolutely fine. Don't feel that because you saw that film where they're all dressed like characters from a Diablo Cody film that you have to too. Not comfortable in hot pink? Don't wear it. Wouldn't wear an old vest if your life depended on it? Then don't. This may sound obvious, but when every other picture you see on The Whip shows a skater dressed like an Oompa-Loompa, it can be hard to feel like that old Megadeth singlet is an acceptable option at your local training session. (please note: I checked the whip today and there were hardly any skaters dressed OTT. I'm leaving the link there as The Whip is AWESOME)

Preparing to prepare to play derby

Going back to what I said about my maiden voyage on the seas of skating, I was an idiot (no, really?). I turned up having not been on skates in well over a decade, somehow imagining that my years half-assedly rollerblading round the village I grew up in with some mates would prepare me sufficiently for what was to come. Oddly enough, that was not the case. Many, many bruises, a pulled groin muscle, lots of hot showers and about two tubes of Voltaren later, I was probably good enough to have started training. If I'd thought it through (and done some actual research) I'd have gone to my local rink and practiced the basics of standing up, skating forwards, and not faceplanting. My main piece of advice to anyone considering taking up the sport is to go to a public skate session at least four or five times if you can before joining training. If they offer basic skating lessons, take them. Tell them what you're doing it for, ask to be shown basic stops, how to skate properly, how to position yourself. Do that, and your confidence when you start training will be much, much better than those whose last pair of skates had Care bears on them.

You know you want them.

Battery on the laptop is almost out so I shall wrap this up. Again, I hope someone out there found this useful. Please, please let me know if I've spouted any obvious bollocks, or missed anything out. Feedback always appreciated!