No epiphany

I didn't get picked for the squad to play against Richter City Roller Derby on the 20th. I missed Wednesday's training due to an old friend from the UK being on a holiday stopover that night, and it turned out to be the training that members of the B Team would be selected at to fill the extra spaces in the A squad.

I'm unsure how I feel about being left out. When I saw the squad announcement, I e-mailed the team captain for feedback. Was it something I wasn't doing right? I thought I'd made good progress, was I wrong? Was I actually doing really badly? I get on pretty well with the captain so I had no qualms about asking her if I needed to improve anything, but I confess to being a bit nervous when I opened her response. Finding out that it wasn't a result of poor form on my part (with the exception of missing a training) was a relief, but at the same time I was annoyed at myself for missing the training and the chance to even play a couple of jams against one of the best teams in the country.

On the other hand though, it was pretty special to have dinner and a couple of drinks with someone I'd last seen at Luton airport in December 2007, nursing a vicious hangover and carrying the suitcase I'd lived out of for the previous three months. She was a former boss who took me under her wing during some very hard times, had fed me and been a big sister at a time when I really needed one. I wasn't going to pass up this opportunity to see her and her kids (now HUGE). I then got annoyed at being annoyed at myself for spending time with her and not being at training. Where was my loyalty to the people in my life who don't have a name on the master roster? Hmm, priorities much?

I'm feeling really low on energy right now. When I'm on the track I'm fine, but off it? My 10k training isn't going very well, I seem to have lost that drive that saw me running non-stop for nearly an hour a few weeks ago. I went to the core strength class at the gym and thirty minutes felt like an eternity. I don't know if it's diet, overtraining or what but I'm not feeling physically that great at all.

As the title of this post suggests (and the great track by Fucked Up) I'm not reaching any big conclusions here. Part of me thinks a decent beefburger would cure the low-energy ills, despite eating some fish the other day and feeling like crap afterwards. Part of me thinks that I totally did the right thing in catching up with someone who's been a great support to me over the years, part of me's pissed off I'll be working the bar or something next Saturday instead.

I keep feeling like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, but of course no footwear falls without a push....