A bit of space.

Today I got a really nice message from someone who reads this saying that they missed my blog, and wishing me a good recovery. It was awesome to get some feedback and thank you so much for getting in touch. I suppose it's been a wee while and so an update is in order. VERY LITTLE OF THIS RELATES TO 8 WHEELS. Just letting you know, I won't be offended if you go watch Regionals. Totally cool with that.

My ankle continues to heal and I'm at the stage of putting a bit of weight on it and can lurch from one room to another without crutches. Unfortunately I totally destroyed my last cast due to my sheer amazingness and had to get a new one (this time in the colours of the Scottish rugby jersey, natch). Two more weeks, I'm out of plaster (saying "out of fibreglass" sounds wrong) and can start the road to recovery and getting rid of the extra kilo or two that has appeared on me. No biggie (unless I keep this up), losing weight isn't a scary prospect to me any more, but I'll be happier when I'm back to fighting fitness in more ways than one.

I'm currently on an epic road trip with my parents, who are over from the UK chasing Scotland chasing a place in the quarter-finals in the Rugby World Cup. I'm quite a fan of egg-chasing and have discovered a love and appreciation for sport in general since derby came into my life. So far we've been to three matches, had the crap scared out of us by Scotland's attempts to remember how to play rugby (we've won both games, but not easily), and watched a stripper confuse England even more so than usual against Argentina. Man, do Argentines know how to watch sport. Their Patriotic Bouncing Song in particular is pretty badass, and they have incredible taste in novelty hats.

Away from angry men in tight shorts, we've got out into south island's glorious scenery, met some penguins (realising a lifelong dream of mine to see some in the wild), ate far too much blue cheese and shouted at TVs a lot, both in public and from the comfort of various hotel room sofas. It's been brilliant so far, despite being slower than my parents unless I'm falling down or off something (two sets of stairs, a pavement and a shower stall at present count)

In addition to having the holiday of a lifetime with two wonderful people who I don't see nearly often enough (it's been two years since we were all together- a lot's happened), being away from Auckland, my job and roller derby has given me some well-deserved thinking time. So, after a week of sleeping incredibly soundly and just letting the gears shift down a notch or two, I'm now lying awake until dumb am as my mind reorganises itself like so much time-lapse Tetris.

What am I thinking so much about? The usual shit, mainly. Career, relationships (not just the romantic kind), future, all the wanky stuff that people have navel-gazed over since the dawn of bellybuttons. Happily, I have drawn a few conclusions, and I have this insane notion that by writing them down my brain might hit save game instead of going for the level up.

• I've figured out that this year has metaphorically punched me across the room and left me on the floor looking for teeth. Obvious that may sound, but my inability to acknowledge when I'm weak has meant this took me a while to process, let alone accept.
• Sometimes the only things that are going to heal the cracked bones is time and metal plates. The bruised feelings they don't make plates for, which leaves time. Just because it hurts now doesn't mean it will continue to do so, but right now you just have to grit teeth and breath through it. Occasional swearing is acceptable, but don't go on about it. (yes, I understand the irony of saying that whilst writing this. My blog etc. etc.)
• Without a plan or something to work towards I get a bit lost. Apparently I've inherited this from my mother, so blame genetics/nurture/being bloody difficult. I've lived longer in Auckland and been in the same job longer than I have anywhere since I left university. In 2003. Whilst this is a huge character flaw I can do something about it that isn't stay where I am.

A plan is coming together of sorts (based on many, many variables), but if I pull it off, then it could be all over between me and derby. She's not really the type to do a long distance relationship (though I know some people manage it). How do I feel about this? Well, I appreciate I write a blog about roller derby and not about, say, my job, or the works of Kyuss, the Black Keys and Clutch (for me, it's all about the beards in rock), derby isn't my life and never will be. It won't stop me from moving in a certain direction if that's going to be better for me in every other way. It would be hard to hang up my skates (and harder to say goodbye to my team, my league and my friends), it would be a decision I made based on what's best for me, at least based on all the knowledge available to me at the time.

I figure that in life, if you're smart, you don't make bad decisions. Just decisions based on the best data you have at the time. You might discover afterwards that you made the wrong call, but as least you made the best you could with what you had. this philosophy has kept the gremlins at bay for me on many an occasion. At the moment, I'm in research mode.

I'm rubbish at relaxing, I told you.

Back on the Wagon!

No updates here the last week, family and Big Day Out got in the way of blogging (Real World before internet, folks!). A lot's happened and now the dust has settled I can write to my heart's content. You lucky sods.

The main thing is that L is currently flying back to the UK, which given that I said goodbye to her last night and she won't get home until after I wake up tomorrow morning makes the distance seem very big indeed. All my good intentions and efforts not to fall into the junk food holiday pit mostly worked, though post-BDO laziness resulted in a chips and pineapple lumps eating, trashy DVD watching day. I regret nothing.

Now that she's left I no longer have any excuses for eating junk and having beer. OK, so there are still craploads of excuses (birthdays, start of term etc. etc.) but none convincing enough to really stick. So back on the wagon I go. Today's been pretty lean, with some cornflakes for lunch, a protein bar post-skate and jungle curry with tofu and brown rice for dinner. Weirdly, I'm not hungry at all, which makes me think the belly is happy for the change.

In terms of exercise, there's not been much (apart from derby training on Thursday night, which hurt the way it should) and walking around Big Day Out. Today felt like a good time to get back into the swing of things by hitting the rink for a two hour skate session. Unluckily (for me) the rink was quite busy, which meant no space to do any really heavy endurance training or blocking practice. not really an issue though, as it gave me and a few of the girls a chance to skate, chat and very occasionally get run into by small children who lacked spatial awareness or braking ability.

I've been off work for a while now, and I can honestly and masochistically say that I am ready for a return to normal. I'll regret saying that in a week's time, and feel free to make with the hating if you only got a few days off, but my brain has had little to engage it over the last while and it's looking to be challenged again. With the new term brings the new derby season, regular trainings and (hopefully, hopefully) a place on a team.

Apart from all that, I'm still on the fence with regards to getting my hair cut short, and still waiting to hear back from my tattooist with the design he's drawing up for my leg. My first tattoo lives there, a little outline of a frog with a black and grey design. I've been considering how to improve it for a while, hoping Pierre at Talisman Tattoo comes up with something good....