The Big One: Week One

Looking very cold on the T42

Dear readers, I feel I have reached a crossroads in this blog of mine. I've not updated much because I was too busy skating, coaching, answering emails related to coaching, or going to meetings (about coaching). The last thing I wanted to do when derby was eating so much of my time and brain was to then sit and write this blog, so I'm sorry. I've missed you.

Truth is, I'm suffering a little from derby burn out (derburnout?). There have been some horrible accidents in the league this year and they've hit me pretty hard mentally (though not nearly as hard as the victims of course), the admin involved in making sure coaches are where they need to be, when they need to be there is immense and there are a lot of people out there who need information from me ASAP is not before. It was taking the shine off the sport for me and I was losing sight of my goals. I'd stopped working out outside of derby, rediscovered spending weekends with hangovers in and generally lost my edge. Eeek.

Then came my birthday. 29. There was a party, and an almighty hangover to follow. Then the realisation that I'd been telling people for a long time that I had a dream to run a marathon before I hit 30. Bugger. No big deal, surely? People have "things to do before I'm x" lists and I bet that most of them never go anywhere. There's no shame in saying "Actually, the idea of running 42km non-stop and having my toenails fall off and nipples bleed doesn't appeal that much". Is there?

Not if you're me, it would seem. The idea just wouldn't go away. MARATHON! To follow in my dad's footsteps and run the 26 miles. To put myself through months of training, sacrifice even more hours of my time, to do something which I enjoy in theory but find extremely hard just so I can have another story to bore people with on long car rides.



Harbour bridge on race day.

 Naturally I signed up. In 23 and a half weeks I'll be lining up with 9,999 other lunatics (and half lunatics) in Devonport at 6am on a Sunday morning. I'll run along Lake road to Takapuna, over the harbour bridge (cool!), down towards Victoria park, along Tamaki drive all the way to St Heliers, and then all the back to finish at Victoria Park. 42 kilometres. Up to a quarter of a day of running.

I'm incredibly excited.

Why excited about early morning training runs and a house that permanently smells of feet?

I'm excited because, well, how many of us stop talking about "Someday I'll do X" and actually make steps to do it? I remember the feeling when I stopped saying "some day I'll lose weight" and actually started changing my diet and working out so I started to lose weight. I just woke up knowing that to reach a destination you have to start the journey (yeah, that sounds like a motivational poster. It's still true). I think that's what puts people off starting on something like this, they don't see the journey as having any value. Bollocks, I say. I think there's as much value in learning the discipline of having to train four days a week as there is in crossing the finish line. I like the idea of this because I want to test myself, to see if I have the mental strength to push myself hard enough physically that I can run that far. I don't want to run this and then lapse back into unfitness, I want this to be like my weightloss epiphany. This is when I go from being fit-ish to actually FIT.

So far I've been on two training runs (I'm using the Map My Run app for iPod). One was in torrential winter rain, and I went only marginally faster than if I'd just walked but you know what? It didn't matter. I loved every minute of it. I loved feeling like I was pushing myself, that I'd overcome all the excuses I'd made up to not get out the house (TORRENTIAL. RAIN) and had done something. Like quitting smoking, this is acheiveable as long as I just don't deviate. Don't find excuses not to run.

I recently read on a yoga blog (yeah, I still do that) something that really resonated with me. It suggested that instead of saying "I don't have time to do that", say "That's not a priority". Once I started attaching that prefix, I was able to have a good look at how I spend my time. Do I really not have time time to go running for half an hour a few times a week, or is it just not a priority? What did I actually want to make a priority in my life?

This. I want this to be a priority. I'll still be skating, but I'll be training for the marathon as a priority. I've made sure my running plan has me taking days "off" (or crosstraining) on the days I'm skating, and I have proper full on rest days with no fitness obligations whatsoever. I'm going to be as smart as I can about it, but also determined as I think sheer bloody-mindedness is what's needed to get me through.

As extra incentive, I'm fundraising for the New Zealand Red Cross. It was bloody hard to decide on a charity to raise money for, ultimately I wanted one that helped people around the world and in the most desperate need. I've done a little bit of work with them in humanitarian education and what I learned about them I liked, so it seems a logical choice for support. If you'd like to donate to the NZRC and give me an extra, amazingly positive incentive to lace up my running shoes, you can at http://www.fundraiseonline.co.nz/RozSimpson/ . My target is $1000, and so far I've raised $55 in my first day. Unreal!

Anyway, off to bed. Tomorrow's a rest day and I'm feeling knackered after this morning's run and an 11 hour day at work...

A bit of space.

Today I got a really nice message from someone who reads this saying that they missed my blog, and wishing me a good recovery. It was awesome to get some feedback and thank you so much for getting in touch. I suppose it's been a wee while and so an update is in order. VERY LITTLE OF THIS RELATES TO 8 WHEELS. Just letting you know, I won't be offended if you go watch Regionals. Totally cool with that.

My ankle continues to heal and I'm at the stage of putting a bit of weight on it and can lurch from one room to another without crutches. Unfortunately I totally destroyed my last cast due to my sheer amazingness and had to get a new one (this time in the colours of the Scottish rugby jersey, natch). Two more weeks, I'm out of plaster (saying "out of fibreglass" sounds wrong) and can start the road to recovery and getting rid of the extra kilo or two that has appeared on me. No biggie (unless I keep this up), losing weight isn't a scary prospect to me any more, but I'll be happier when I'm back to fighting fitness in more ways than one.

I'm currently on an epic road trip with my parents, who are over from the UK chasing Scotland chasing a place in the quarter-finals in the Rugby World Cup. I'm quite a fan of egg-chasing and have discovered a love and appreciation for sport in general since derby came into my life. So far we've been to three matches, had the crap scared out of us by Scotland's attempts to remember how to play rugby (we've won both games, but not easily), and watched a stripper confuse England even more so than usual against Argentina. Man, do Argentines know how to watch sport. Their Patriotic Bouncing Song in particular is pretty badass, and they have incredible taste in novelty hats.

Away from angry men in tight shorts, we've got out into south island's glorious scenery, met some penguins (realising a lifelong dream of mine to see some in the wild), ate far too much blue cheese and shouted at TVs a lot, both in public and from the comfort of various hotel room sofas. It's been brilliant so far, despite being slower than my parents unless I'm falling down or off something (two sets of stairs, a pavement and a shower stall at present count)

In addition to having the holiday of a lifetime with two wonderful people who I don't see nearly often enough (it's been two years since we were all together- a lot's happened), being away from Auckland, my job and roller derby has given me some well-deserved thinking time. So, after a week of sleeping incredibly soundly and just letting the gears shift down a notch or two, I'm now lying awake until dumb am as my mind reorganises itself like so much time-lapse Tetris.

What am I thinking so much about? The usual shit, mainly. Career, relationships (not just the romantic kind), future, all the wanky stuff that people have navel-gazed over since the dawn of bellybuttons. Happily, I have drawn a few conclusions, and I have this insane notion that by writing them down my brain might hit save game instead of going for the level up.

• I've figured out that this year has metaphorically punched me across the room and left me on the floor looking for teeth. Obvious that may sound, but my inability to acknowledge when I'm weak has meant this took me a while to process, let alone accept.
• Sometimes the only things that are going to heal the cracked bones is time and metal plates. The bruised feelings they don't make plates for, which leaves time. Just because it hurts now doesn't mean it will continue to do so, but right now you just have to grit teeth and breath through it. Occasional swearing is acceptable, but don't go on about it. (yes, I understand the irony of saying that whilst writing this. My blog etc. etc.)
• Without a plan or something to work towards I get a bit lost. Apparently I've inherited this from my mother, so blame genetics/nurture/being bloody difficult. I've lived longer in Auckland and been in the same job longer than I have anywhere since I left university. In 2003. Whilst this is a huge character flaw I can do something about it that isn't stay where I am.

A plan is coming together of sorts (based on many, many variables), but if I pull it off, then it could be all over between me and derby. She's not really the type to do a long distance relationship (though I know some people manage it). How do I feel about this? Well, I appreciate I write a blog about roller derby and not about, say, my job, or the works of Kyuss, the Black Keys and Clutch (for me, it's all about the beards in rock), derby isn't my life and never will be. It won't stop me from moving in a certain direction if that's going to be better for me in every other way. It would be hard to hang up my skates (and harder to say goodbye to my team, my league and my friends), it would be a decision I made based on what's best for me, at least based on all the knowledge available to me at the time.

I figure that in life, if you're smart, you don't make bad decisions. Just decisions based on the best data you have at the time. You might discover afterwards that you made the wrong call, but as least you made the best you could with what you had. this philosophy has kept the gremlins at bay for me on many an occasion. At the moment, I'm in research mode.

I'm rubbish at relaxing, I told you.

What I do when I don't do derby revisited...

I have started a tumblr (and who hasn't). I figured I could keep the derby-related stuff on here, and all the other stuff on there. What stuff? Well, stuff like my FIRST EVER REVIEW IN A PRINT MAGAZINE stuff!

In addition to derby, running, yoga, and shooting my mouth off, I also love art, interesting poetry/prose, photography and rather more hippy-ish pursuits than one may expect from my somewhat bullish exterior. I want to write about all that and share things I find, and I want to keep DDYG at least mostly on-topic.

I'm also relatively new to tumblr, and I'm fairly sure I'm missing out on an awful lot of good stuff. If there's a feed you think I should about, then please let me know.

Honestly, between joining tumblr and google + in the last week, I feel like the internet just evolved while I wasn't looking...

A new goal

So, running. Monday I did indeed get out of bed at 6am and hit the pavement. I had worked out a route of about 2km, and figured it'd be a nice wee start. My aim was to try and run the entire way, no walking, no stopping. I put on some bangin' choons, hardened up and out I went. And it was honestly, surprisingly easy. Compared to when I last tried running, it felt effortless. I missed the turnoff I was originally going to take, so kept going and figured that I must have done about 2.5km without stopping (including a final sprint up the steep hill to my house). I was out for just over 20 minutes, and figured that was a good start.

I was pretty damn chuffed to discover when I mapped it on MapMyFitness (great website, worth checking out) that I'd actually done 3.23km non-stop! OK, it may not sound like much to you, but being able to run two miles without stopping and with plenty left in the tank is a huge achievement for me and I had a smug little glow about me for the rest of the day.

I figured that I do quite well with goals, in particular goals that aren't totally ridiculous or too far in the future. I enjoy running, and it'd be great to have something I can work towards and aim for.

So, here's the goal

The Auckland Marathon is on the 30th October. That's 17 weeks away. I can't get ready for a full marathon or (realistically) a half marathon in 17 weeks, but I can get ready for a 10k in that time. The Auckland marathon also offers a Quarter Marathon option, 10.6km. So, I'm going to sign up. I 've had the quaint notion to run a marathon by the time I'm 30, a notion which I've not done a huge amount about until now, but then I've never been as fit or healthy as I am now. So, let's aim for the Quarter Marathon and go from there, yes?

I'm going to spend the first eight weeks training to run 5km in a good time (aiming for under 30 minutes). I'll be using the Running Time's 5k Beginner programme, but starting at week 5 as that seems to be where I am at currently. From there I'll be using their 10k Beginner 2 programme, depending on how things have gone before. As an obsessive note-taker and chart-maker, I've put together this as a way of logging my times, distances and progress. Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm doing weights in the gym, Saturday will be a full rest day (unless there's a bout on).

So yeah, that's the goal. Please do keep an eye on me, faithful reader(s) of this blog, and prod me if it looks like I'm flagging. I CAN do this, it'll be amazing when I cross that finish line, and I'm figuring the more people I tell the less chance I have to duck out of it.

Mudrunning

Yesterday was the Tough Guy and Gal Challenge at Woodhill, a 6km off-road race held every year in the middle of winter. It's a course dotted with mud traps, fences, barbed wire and cargo nets and definitely not for people who like their whites to be a brilliant white.

I got roped into it at my gym by my personal trainer, who pretty much dared me to do it. As it was on a very rare weekend when I had no league commitments, it was like nothing I'd ever done before and I'd been told "this sounds like you, though it's really hard going" there was no way I wasn't going to go!

My enforced skating holiday and dire words of the physio meant that my training for the run was somewhere between none and zero, but that didn't deter me on the day. We were blessed with some absolutely beautiful weather and it didn't actually seem cold enough to merit the polyprop longsleeve the website had advised me to wear. The mood at the start was jubilant, which was a welcome change from some 5km runs I was on last year (serious runners are serious). Lots of people in fancy dress (though nothing too restricting), lots of whooping and yelling as we got underway.

It started off fairly easily, and I was feeling pretty good (and clean) until I heard screaming ahead and saw a bottleneck of runners. There was a huge ditch filled waist-deep with freezing watery mud, and I realised that maybe my goal time of completing the course in under an hour miiiight be a little optimistic. Running on rough ground is tough, running on rough ground when you're soaked in dirty water un to your chest is harder.

Weirdly though, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Everyone on the course was so friendly and encouraging, that not once did I feel too grossed-out, disheartened or even that tired. The course got very narrow in places and there were actually queues to get into certain parts of the course, but everyone was laughing and joking the whole time and cheering on the insane brave 12km frontrunners as they went past us, leaping over filthy ditches and gazelling their way over fences. I finished up in the middle of the pack and had gas in the tank to spare (the discovery of carbo-loading may have helped a little). I completed in a time of 58.34, less than an hour, inside my goal time and I can't help but wonder what time I'd have got if there hadn't been all the queuing!

It was a fantastic day out and well worth the aching muscles and huge amount of washing. I felt like I'd really accomplished something by doing it and getting inside my goal time.

As a little side-effect, I've rediscovered running as something worth doing. My base level of fitness is much higher now than it was when I was running at the end of 2009, and there's something about running outside that treadmills can't really compete with. My gym is great for some things, but lack of air conditioning means that doing cardio in there is not the most pleasant.

So, to running! I'm going to try and start getting out of bed a bit earlier and going for a wee run in the mornings, just 20 minutes or so. I was lucky enough to bag a couple of new pairs of shorts at half price in the Warehouse (my leggings from yesterday are destroyed) and I finally got round to replacing the sports socks that had gone the way of all socks, so I don't really have an excuse beyond my own laziness. I'll let you know how I get on (as ever)

PS thank you so much for all the kind words and support after my last post. It was quite something to have so many people I care about read what I had to say and be so positive about it. Cheers!

What I do when I don't do derby

People tend not to think this when they look at me, but I really, really enjoy yoga. I've been practicing it on and off for about a year now, since a woman at work started running classes in the morning. I went along as part of my "say yes to everything that comes your way" expecting it to be a sedate, boring version of exercise, but very quickly got hooked. I'm not the most diligent of yoginis, I find it hard to practice at home as my mind tends to go blank after about 15 minutes and I can't remember any asanas (poses), and with the recent move and upheavals, it's taken me a little while to settle, find a new class or two and find some calm.

Between relationships breaking down, moving house, huge stresses at work (schoolchildren can be hard to work with: who knew?) and some other bits and bobs, I have been under a lot of stress. I took up smoking again, stopped cooking actual food (I seem to live on toast and peanut butter these days, maybe the odd can of beans in the evening. I'm not eating much, put it that way). Whilst I appreciate that these troubles are minor in the current climate, it's hard to relax and let go, and with my recurring leg-fails the last week or so meaning that derby has been curtailed, I've felt worse.

The solution? Get back into yoga.

OK, so a lot of people would argue that it's not really exercise. Honest, I can see where they're coming from. I'm back from an hour and a half long class and I didn't break a sweat. So far, so fakexercise.

However.

It does a lot for your core strength and flexibility (very useful in derby). It teaches you how to focus on your body and what it's doing (again, derby). It teaches you how to breathe through something physically difficult (jamming), and how to stay calm in pressure situations (bout, scrimmage, training etc. etc.).

I'm feeling about a hundred times better today than I did yesterday, and yoga's definitely been a part of that feeling better. I've even managed to go without a single cigarette today, so I've decided to put an end to that nonsense. Yoga classes cost more, but are way better for me and my stress levels in the long run...